Frequently Asked Questions

My favorite way to explain life coaching is with a metaphor. Picture yourself in the middle of a field. You can see mountains one direction. A forest another. And there’s a road leading off a different direction. You know you want to go somewhere, but you are not sure where.

Then someone comes along and starts asking you questions, like ‘do you like living in hot or cold places? Do you like lots of people or having wide open spaces?’ It’s through this line of questioning that you start to discover which direction you want to go. This is what a life coach can do. And they can be there every step of the way.

You don’t have to take this journey alone and it is with support and community that our journeys run smoother and quicker.

A therapist or counselor can be very similar to a coach, but they have the training and experience to dive deeper into our minds and emotions.

As a life coach it is my job to make sure I don’t get into things that are better managed with someone with more skills than I have.

If during a session we uncover something that is deeper than I can go, we will table that and I will encourage you to talk to a professional who can help. If it happens consistently, I will be supportive in helping you find a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist who can help.

Life coaching works exceptionally well for those who are motivated and desiring to make and reach goals in their life, but are needing some help in finding a direction to go and needing some support.

It is a faith group that exerts significant control over members’ lives, requiring high commitments of time, resources, and strict adherence to specific doctrines and behaviors, often discouraging questioning or outside relationships to maintain group cohesion and loyalty, impacting areas like diet, dress, social life, and finances.

It can cause significant psychological distress, including anxiety, shame, and trauma, due to rigid control, fear-based teachings, and pressure to suppress individuality, often leading to difficulties adapting outside the group and potential Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS). I have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a chronic illness.

It really depends on each individuals circumstances. You can lose community, family, friends, and your foundation for beliefs. Some people experience a lot of major trauma and anger in the church. While others didn’t like how they were treated or what was being taught, but didn’t have any major traumatic experiences. No matter what your experience may be or might have been, ALL of it is valid. Know that you are not alone in this journey.

The church has made it a bit more difficult to officially leave. They ask you to jump through hoops like meeting with the local bishop and stake president and waiting a few months before officially removing your name. But there is a way around that!

1.Write a letter addressing it to the address below.

Member Records

50 E North Temple, Room 1372

Salt Lake City, UT 84150-5310

2. Include your full name, date of birth, membership record number, and your address.

3. Write something similar to this below making sure to state you understand what the consequences are and that you are making an informed decision.

LDS Church Staff,

This notarized letter is my formal resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is effective immediately.  I hereby immediately withdraw my consent to being treated as a member of the LDS church in any fashion whatsoever. I am instructing you to permanently and completely remove my name, contact details and all data associated with me from the records of the church.

I have given this matter serious thought and cannot be persuaded to change my mind. I understand the process contained in section 32.14.9 of the General Handbook of the church regarding resignation. I do not want to meet with anyone to discuss my concerns. I understand that resigning my membership revokes all ordinances and removes all membership privileges. I understand that, should I change my mind, readmission by baptism will only occur after a thorough interview or membership council, and that restoration of temple blessings require the approval of the First Presidency and a one-year waiting period.

I request that, as per the General Handbook, you act on this request promptly. After today, the only contact I want from the LDS church in regards to my membership and LDS activity is a single letter of confirmation that I am no longer listed as a member of the LDS church sent to the address listed above. I do not want to be ministered to by any church member.

I trust my resignation will be handled promptly and respectfully, without any attempts for additional “run-arounds” interviews, etc.  Should any such attempts ensue, I will pursue formal legal representation. Thank you for your understanding and prompt handling of this matter. I do not consent to this letter or the fact that I have requested resignation being shared with my local leaders or any other member of the church.

4. Get it notarized and mail it in!

Mine took only a week to get a letter back and no one contacted me for anything regarding it.

You can also visit https://quitmormon.com/ for more information and help.

This process can be absolutely terrifying! First, know that you are not alone. There are many who have and are going through the same thing. Second, give yourself all the love and grace you possibly can! You have been told what to do, think, believe, and even what you should like and dislike. Take a deep breath. It’s going to take some time. Start small with one thing. Take some time to explore what your deepest self is telling you about it. And then trust it! You already have everything inside of you to navigate this. Your spirit and body know what is best for you. Trust yourself!

Shame is one of the biggest tactics for control. It bleeds into every part of your being and influences every part of your life. It can be debilitating. Shame is never a good thing. You deserved love, compassion, and empathy.

Some tools that I found helpful:

• Research shame. Brene Brown is a great place to start with this!
• Reach out to trusted friends and family who can tell you how awesome you are. Have them give you reassurance when the shame creeps up.
• Meet with a therapist. They can be a literal life saver in helping to rewire the shame trigger.
• Learn to boost yourself up. Start small. Like wearing a tank top and reassuring yourself that shoulders are not porn and are totally acceptable to show. That you deserve to wear things that are comfortable and make you feel good.

It can be so difficult to lose your support system. Know that if you lost these people because of your choice to leave church, then they weren’t truly your support system to begin with. It was conditional support. It can be so difficult to come to terms with this. Then know that you are so WORTHY of love and support that is not conditional on living the way they want you to live. There are so many people out there who will love you exactly for who you are!

But how do you find them? Good question.

• Try googling or looking on Facebook for exmormon support groups/leaving your religion or church support groups. Join one.
• Think if there is anyone in your life who has also gone through this experience. Reach out to them and ask if you can talk.
• Start attending something you’ve always wanted to or maybe something new. Think a gym, art class, local event, etc. And start talking to people.
• Find other communities. Maybe it’s a local mom group, a running group, a spiritual group, etc. Show up and participate as much as you are able.

Remember that it may take some time, but you will get there and you will find community and support again!